I hate myself. I hate my body. I hate my face. I know I've issues, people have told me I've really bad self esteem problems. I can't help it really. Each time I look in the mirror, all I see is just an ugly looking girl. And No, i don't need people telling me I'm pretty and all, I don't need that.

Sometimes I blame my Mum for the state I am in today(though i shouldn't), she's always telling me I'm fat, and that I have a big nose, flabby arms, big ass, blahblah. I know she's kidding at times, but then again, it really makes me so self conscious of myself that I start losing it. Like really. losing. it.

There were times when I'd start doing pushups in the bathroom while bathing halfway just cos I felt so fat. There were times when I went jogging at around 9pm plus just cos I felt that I needed to exercise. I really hate the state I'm in. :(

I WANT TO LIKE MY BODY, BUT HOW CAN I? WHEN ALL I SEEEEE IS JUST A HUGE PILE OF LARD IN THE MIRROR.

Another issue, I love modelling, I really do, but sometimes I feel so intimidated because the industry is naturally very competitive with so many skinny and beautiful girls around.

I've a photoshoot for an Online shop(they even have a boutique in Sg, not telling you which shop it is yet though.. ) next Friday, and I nearly cancelled it today just cos I didn't feel good about myself. Yes, I'm scared. I'm scared of letting others down(since they're paying me), I'm scared of going into a state of depression if the pictures look horrendous and I'm scared that I'll get so nervous during the shoot that I might end up posing like a robot. The other models who model for their online shop are Caucasians.. CAUCASIANS. I really wonder why the Shop Owner picked me out of so many other girls to model her clothes. I really wonder sometimes... :l

I really wish I'll stop being like this. It's wearing me down.

P.s I'm sorry Yang if I made you a little upset today. :( I really didn't mean to.

I think i need retail therapy. That's the only thing that takes my mind off all of these issues.

I hate myself. I hate my body. I hate my face. I know I've issues, people have told me I've really bad self esteem problems. I can't help it really. Each time I look in the mirror, all I see is just an ugly looking girl. And No, i don't need people telling me I'm pretty and all, I don't need that.

Sometimes I blame my Mum for the state I am in today(though i shouldn't), she's always telling me I'm fat, and that I have a big nose, flabby arms, big ass, blahblah. I know she's kidding at times, but then again, it really makes me so self conscious of myself that I start losing it. Like really. losing. it.

There were times when I'd start doing pushups in the bathroom while bathing halfway just cos I felt so fat. There were times when I went jogging at around 9pm plus just cos I felt that I needed to exercise. I really hate the state I'm in. :(

I WANT TO LIKE MY BODY, BUT HOW CAN I? WHEN ALL I SEEEEE IS JUST A HUGE PILE OF LARD IN THE MIRROR.

Another issue, I love modelling, I really do, but sometimes I feel so intimidated because the industry is naturally very competitive with so many skinny and beautiful girls around.

I've a photoshoot for an Online shop(they even have a boutique in Sg, not telling you which shop it is yet though.. ) next Friday, and I nearly cancelled it today just cos I didn't feel good about myself. Yes, I'm scared. I'm scared of letting others down(since they're paying me), I'm scared of going into a state of depression if the pictures look horrendous and I'm scared that I'll get so nervous during the shoot that I might end up posing like a robot. The other models who model for their online shop are Caucasians.. CAUCASIANS. I really wonder why the Shop Owner picked me out of so many other girls to model her clothes. I really wonder sometimes... :l

I really wish I'll stop being like this. It's wearing me down.

P.s I'm sorry Yang if I made you a little upset today. :( I really didn't mean to.

I think i need retail therapy. That's the only thing that takes my mind off all of these issues.