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Ask Aunt Sofia! |
Posted on Tuesday, December 21, 2010 @ 7:32 AM
with 0 Comments
Question of the Day:
Dear Auntie Sofia,
Talk abt r/s(relationship) issues in ur auntie agony section in ur blog... somehow help ppl feel tat they are nt alone goin through breaks up and all .............
-Anonymous Formspring User ....................................................
Dear Anonymous Formspring User,
A relationship itself is already a beautiful thing. You know, the feeling of having that special someone always there for you, knowing that no matter what happens, this special person, will never forsake you, just like family. But of course, with every relationship, be it with your boyfriend/girlfriend, your family, your friends, your dog, your cat etcetc, there are bound to be some problems. I know for a fact, that I'm not perfect myself. And I went through alot of bad relationships to know exactly the kind of relationship I want today. But the one thing I do know I deserve, is to be happy. Everybody deserves to be happy.
So if any of you out there, are in a relationship right now, BUT, you are NOT happy, ever asked yourself why?
Are you willing to sacrifice your happiness for someone else's? I mean come on, as much as you you're in love, you deserve to be happy too. And if you've come to a stage where you find yourself totally trapped in a relationship you don't even want to be in, then it's about time you do something about it, instead of procrastinating. And why do you procrastinate? Because you're afraid you'll hurt the other party's feelings. But hey, if it's not working out, it's not working out. There's no point, trying to force a relationship to work.
I believe in the saying, "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be".
So what are some very common Relationship issues? Let's take a look, shall we?
Trust issues
This is probably one of the most common issues faced in a relationship. But trust me on this, a relationship is all about trust.
This causes a lot of different issues to arise as well, such as jealousy and doubt. So many a times either the man or the woman in the relationship gets mad at even the smallest things, like a man looking at another woman or the woman being close friends with another man. These kinds of relationship issues most commonly occur because of a bad experience in the past. Sometimes, these trust issues form because one person in the relationship was cheated on in a past relationship, or they come from a family where one parent was unfaithful.
SOLVE THE ISSUE:
One way that you can address this issue is to be completely honest with each other. If you are the one that is dealing with a partner with trust issues, what you can do is to make sure that you let them know that you are to be trusted. This is not done through words, but through actions. Rather than telling them that they can trust you, show them. Take the extra effort to let them know that you are open about your life and whom you are with, and that you have no secrets from them.
Avoiding the Issue
These kinds of relationship issues are very destructive, because when a couple avoids issues altogether, they never get to solve it. And take it from me, I've been through many arguements, and if there's one thing I learn from every conflict, is something new about my partner. What affects him and makes him angry. Avoiding conflicts usually happens when one or both parties are not good with handling conflict. This kind of issue must be addressed before a certain problem that you are avoiding talking about starts to eat at the relationship from the inside. It is avoidance that usually causes abrupt break-ups because these problems were never given a chance to be solved. So, do something about it?
SOLVE THE ISSUE:
Make it a point to open communication lines and talk about all problems openly. Do not bottle things up inside, aside from it not being healthy for you, it's also not healthy for your relationship. Always keep an open mind and share how you feel. This may be hard at first, but this kind of communication is much healthier in the long run and it'll get easier over time.
THE 'S' Word. No, not Sofia. I'm talkin' bout SEX.
Some people enter relationships deceptively. Commonly, one partner may make a declaration of love early on with the sole intention of opening the other partner up to having sex - and it sometimes works.
NEVER DO THIS!
Don't be naive, because you may just get your heart broken if this so called guy who claims he loves you, ends up leaving you a few days later. Assholes like these do exist, so don't do something silly and regret it.
SOLVE THE ISSUE:
At the start of the relationship or before, I think it's best to talk about the issue. Make it clear that no, you are not cheap, and you don't come easy, and that you'll only save it for the right guy one day, or you could always scare him a little, by saying that you'll save it till marriage. You gotta be strict sometimes really, cos you wouldn't want this guy to take you for a ride. Who knows? Instead... What if this guy actually waits for you till marriage? Wouldn't that be super romantic and sweet? :)
OR
If he leaves you, well, at least now you know he only had 1 purpose of hooking up with you. ;) Asshole alert! BEEP BEEP BEEP! :p
Treat Dating like a Game
Dating is not a game. It involves real feelings and emotions. Other people's feelings are very real, and what you do in a dating relationship can seriously affect them - sometimes in ways that can last for years or even an entire lifetime.
SOLVE THE ISSUE:
Make every effort to empathize and understand where your partner is coming from, and how he or she feels about you, at every opportunity.
Taking It All Too Seriously
Chill out brudderrrr.... why so serious mannn? A relationship shouldn't be a game, but it should be FUN instead. Afterall, we're all still young right? And dating in your younger years will always be some of the best years in any person's life.
So why bother taking things so seriously? I guess it can be fun lah sometimes, talking about the future, especially if it's with a guy you really love. Talking about having kids together one day etc. It's all fine, but when it comes to a point when you're both sooooooo serious, and you're like what? say for example, only 17? It's time to give each other a little breather aye and take a chill pill BRUTHA/SISTA! :P you know what i'm sayin?
SOLVE THE ISSUE:
You're still young so do dates that are FUN. Have tickle fights, turn off the TV to talk and joke, arm wrestle etcetc. Let the little problems go whenever you can. Live for the moment, not for the future.
Over Possessiveness.
As much as you love your prized posession(your bf/gf), he or she is not your property and does not belong to you. There's always a fine line to draw when it comes to this. Yes you may be a little possessive, but not over posessive. What do I mean by over posessive? You force your partner to cut off all ties with friends of the opposite sex. You forbid her to go out without you around yadayada.
Nothing ever comes good out of this. First of all, as if this isn't bad enough, it clearly shows poorly about the relationship as well, because there is NO TRUST.
SOLVE THE ISSUE:
Give each other some space and respect each other's circle of friends. Just because you both are dating, it doesn't mean you both are married. The both of you still have a life to lead on your own. One very bad move in a relationship, is when friends ditch friends for the sake of their boyfriend or girlfriend. Friends will always be there for you. Well, the true ones of course.
Talk things out with each other about the things you both don't like, and come to a compromise.
I hope I've answered your question anonymous user, a breakup can be avoided really, if you know how to solve the issues above! Of course there are always gonna be plenty of other issues, new and old that I've not mentioned, but I leave it to you to discover them on your own. :) Best of Luck in everything you do.
Posted on Tuesday, December 21, 2010 @ 7:32 AM
with 0 notes
Question of the Day:
Dear Auntie Sofia,
Talk abt r/s(relationship) issues in ur auntie agony section in ur blog... somehow help ppl feel tat they are nt alone goin through breaks up and all .............
-Anonymous Formspring User ....................................................
Dear Anonymous Formspring User,
A relationship itself is already a beautiful thing. You know, the feeling of having that special someone always there for you, knowing that no matter what happens, this special person, will never forsake you, just like family. But of course, with every relationship, be it with your boyfriend/girlfriend, your family, your friends, your dog, your cat etcetc, there are bound to be some problems. I know for a fact, that I'm not perfect myself. And I went through alot of bad relationships to know exactly the kind of relationship I want today. But the one thing I do know I deserve, is to be happy. Everybody deserves to be happy.
So if any of you out there, are in a relationship right now, BUT, you are NOT happy, ever asked yourself why?
Are you willing to sacrifice your happiness for someone else's? I mean come on, as much as you you're in love, you deserve to be happy too. And if you've come to a stage where you find yourself totally trapped in a relationship you don't even want to be in, then it's about time you do something about it, instead of procrastinating. And why do you procrastinate? Because you're afraid you'll hurt the other party's feelings. But hey, if it's not working out, it's not working out. There's no point, trying to force a relationship to work.
I believe in the saying, "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be".
So what are some very common Relationship issues? Let's take a look, shall we?
Trust issues
This is probably one of the most common issues faced in a relationship. But trust me on this, a relationship is all about trust.
This causes a lot of different issues to arise as well, such as jealousy and doubt. So many a times either the man or the woman in the relationship gets mad at even the smallest things, like a man looking at another woman or the woman being close friends with another man. These kinds of relationship issues most commonly occur because of a bad experience in the past. Sometimes, these trust issues form because one person in the relationship was cheated on in a past relationship, or they come from a family where one parent was unfaithful.
SOLVE THE ISSUE:
One way that you can address this issue is to be completely honest with each other. If you are the one that is dealing with a partner with trust issues, what you can do is to make sure that you let them know that you are to be trusted. This is not done through words, but through actions. Rather than telling them that they can trust you, show them. Take the extra effort to let them know that you are open about your life and whom you are with, and that you have no secrets from them.
Avoiding the Issue
These kinds of relationship issues are very destructive, because when a couple avoids issues altogether, they never get to solve it. And take it from me, I've been through many arguements, and if there's one thing I learn from every conflict, is something new about my partner. What affects him and makes him angry. Avoiding conflicts usually happens when one or both parties are not good with handling conflict. This kind of issue must be addressed before a certain problem that you are avoiding talking about starts to eat at the relationship from the inside. It is avoidance that usually causes abrupt break-ups because these problems were never given a chance to be solved. So, do something about it?
SOLVE THE ISSUE:
Make it a point to open communication lines and talk about all problems openly. Do not bottle things up inside, aside from it not being healthy for you, it's also not healthy for your relationship. Always keep an open mind and share how you feel. This may be hard at first, but this kind of communication is much healthier in the long run and it'll get easier over time.
THE 'S' Word. No, not Sofia. I'm talkin' bout SEX.
Some people enter relationships deceptively. Commonly, one partner may make a declaration of love early on with the sole intention of opening the other partner up to having sex - and it sometimes works.
NEVER DO THIS!
Don't be naive, because you may just get your heart broken if this so called guy who claims he loves you, ends up leaving you a few days later. Assholes like these do exist, so don't do something silly and regret it.
SOLVE THE ISSUE:
At the start of the relationship or before, I think it's best to talk about the issue. Make it clear that no, you are not cheap, and you don't come easy, and that you'll only save it for the right guy one day, or you could always scare him a little, by saying that you'll save it till marriage. You gotta be strict sometimes really, cos you wouldn't want this guy to take you for a ride. Who knows? Instead... What if this guy actually waits for you till marriage? Wouldn't that be super romantic and sweet? :)
OR
If he leaves you, well, at least now you know he only had 1 purpose of hooking up with you. ;) Asshole alert! BEEP BEEP BEEP! :p
Treat Dating like a Game
Dating is not a game. It involves real feelings and emotions. Other people's feelings are very real, and what you do in a dating relationship can seriously affect them - sometimes in ways that can last for years or even an entire lifetime.
SOLVE THE ISSUE:
Make every effort to empathize and understand where your partner is coming from, and how he or she feels about you, at every opportunity.
Taking It All Too Seriously
Chill out brudderrrr.... why so serious mannn? A relationship shouldn't be a game, but it should be FUN instead. Afterall, we're all still young right? And dating in your younger years will always be some of the best years in any person's life.
So why bother taking things so seriously? I guess it can be fun lah sometimes, talking about the future, especially if it's with a guy you really love. Talking about having kids together one day etc. It's all fine, but when it comes to a point when you're both sooooooo serious, and you're like what? say for example, only 17? It's time to give each other a little breather aye and take a chill pill BRUTHA/SISTA! :P you know what i'm sayin?
SOLVE THE ISSUE:
You're still young so do dates that are FUN. Have tickle fights, turn off the TV to talk and joke, arm wrestle etcetc. Let the little problems go whenever you can. Live for the moment, not for the future.
Over Possessiveness.
As much as you love your prized posession(your bf/gf), he or she is not your property and does not belong to you. There's always a fine line to draw when it comes to this. Yes you may be a little possessive, but not over posessive. What do I mean by over posessive? You force your partner to cut off all ties with friends of the opposite sex. You forbid her to go out without you around yadayada.
Nothing ever comes good out of this. First of all, as if this isn't bad enough, it clearly shows poorly about the relationship as well, because there is NO TRUST.
SOLVE THE ISSUE:
Give each other some space and respect each other's circle of friends. Just because you both are dating, it doesn't mean you both are married. The both of you still have a life to lead on your own. One very bad move in a relationship, is when friends ditch friends for the sake of their boyfriend or girlfriend. Friends will always be there for you. Well, the true ones of course.
Talk things out with each other about the things you both don't like, and come to a compromise.
I hope I've answered your question anonymous user, a breakup can be avoided really, if you know how to solve the issues above! Of course there are always gonna be plenty of other issues, new and old that I've not mentioned, but I leave it to you to discover them on your own. :) Best of Luck in everything you do.
Check out this space for Beauty tips: Skin,hair,makeup etc!
::Skincare VLOG::
Hi guys! So as promised I've decided to finally share with you guys my skincare products that I use! I've mentioned all the products plus additional tips about Skincare in my video log so click play on either one of the videos below to play.
You can choose to load the video via "Vimeo" which is way clearer in terms of picture quality or "Youtube". Your choice! Either way, the video's finally done so I hope you'll find it useful!
Vimeo Video
Youtube Video
Products mentioned in the Video
1) Eucerin White Solution Gentle Cleansing Foam 2) Biore Facial Foam Glowing Bright 3) Clarins Herbes Des Alpes Cleansing Milk 4) Loreal Paris Gentle Lip & Eye Makeup Remover 5) Bio-Essence Face Lifting Cream 6) Etude House Facial Mask in Pomegranate
Lots of Love, Sofia Dendroff
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