What do you think is essential in a long distance relationship? I keep doubting things and feeling insecure, but you know us girls right :( I don't know how to feel anymore

- Sad girl

Dear Sad girl,

To be very honest, I personally feel that a long-distance relationship is not that different from a relationship where both of you are in Singapore. Regardless, both relationships still require a great deal of work, excellent communication, patience, sacrifice and understanding in order for it to work.
The only difference is that the both of you will just have to work extra hard to maintain the communication and to stay focused enough to not let your daily life interfere with your desire to be with the other person.

One of the hardest parts of a long distance relationship is connecting when one person gets busier than the other. If this happens in a relationship, it is important to maintain communication. Let's just say for example, there comes a day where you're a little busier than usual, ensure that you inform your partner beforehand so that there is no misunderstanding.

If you're really willing to work it out, then here are some steps that will probably help you both!

1. Consider using Skype video chat calls every day, text messaging, phone calls and email every day.

Communication is really all that you both have since you can't physically be there for each other. But this does not mean that you still can't emotionally be there for each other. Update each other everyday through phone calls or text messages. By doing so, you remind your partner everyday that no matter where you both may be, you guys are still on each other's minds. This will definitely strengthen the relationship.

Also, although you both can't physically be there for each other, it's always nice to send a picture over whatsapp(for example), of where you are right now so you can sort of visualize in your head what your partner is doing. For example, you're shopping with friends, 'Take a picture of you and your friends'. By making the effort to let your partner know visually what you are doing, there will be more trust and less misunderstandings between each other.

2. Do things together.

You probably must be thinking. "What the hell, if I could I would! But how can we when we're not physically there for each other?".
Well... that's where you're wrong. This is the part where the beauty of the internet, handphones and such come in!
Sometimes phone calls can get a little dreary and monotonous and there will definitely be days when you just want to do something more exciting rather than just talking! Well, here's a website with a list of 100 activities th can do with your long distance partner! :)

URL: http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/thingsforldrcouplestodo.html

3. Communicate in some way every day, more than once if possible.

Since you won't be seeing each other, it's important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don't always have to be long, in-depth conversations on the phone. It can just be about mainly everything and anything. Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies throughout the day. Ask on for advice. Write love letters. Send small gifts, cards, or send flowers for no reason. In this case, since you are in a long distance relationship, sometimes doing these more often will show your partner that you still care, cherish and love them.

4. Take advantage of the benefits that a long distance relationship can offer

Sure it'll be hard in the beginning. But think about it this way. Life is more than just relationships. While you're still young, use this time to bond with your friends, your family etc.
You'll probably value each other more as well because absence makes the heart grow fonder. You'll also probably argue less.

Most importantly, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality; something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together.
At the end of the day, your life is still YOUR life to lead. You have to be smart enough to juggle between a relationship and your personal life(friends, family, hobbies etc). A relationship is not everything! Please remember that! :)

5. Avoid the temptation to be controlling

People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match—or someone else is a better match—your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart or just a few minutes away from each other. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.

6. Talk about your future together

I know this may seem like a very serious topic to talk about but sometimes it's good to discuss such topic because talking about your future together will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain. Afterall, I always firmly believe that every relationship should be taken seriously. If you don't see your partner or potential partner as someone whom you can possibly spend the rest of your life with one day, then there's no point getting together anyway because you're just wasting each other's time.

7. Avoid jealousy and be trusting.

One of the easiest ways to destroy a perfectly healthy relationship is to poison it with jealousy and drama. It doesn't make a difference whether or not you both are in Singapore. As long as there's no trust, the relationship is bound to end one day.

When you start a long distance relationship, you must be realistic of the difficulties ahead. Don't fall in the trap of interrogating your partner every time he decides to go out with people you haven't met or if he didn't get back to you right away when you called and left a message. Just because you are in a long-distance relationship doesn't mean your lives will pause. Your partner will naturally have a social life where he lives and so should you. Sure, it helps to have your eyes open and not be totally naive, but being overly suspicious is unhealthy for you and your relationship too. You should both maintain your social activity and be happy with yourselves.
It always helps to just think of your partner as someone who is trustworthy and innocent unless he is proven otherwise. Hahah. if that happens then maybe you can write in to me again. Haha. ok joking.

8. BE POSITIVE

As long as you have a positive mindset that this will work. It will! Stop thinking negatively and telling yourself that it is hard or that it's impossible because believe me, I have seen and read of many stories of long distance relationships that have worked! As long as you keep reminding each other that this long distance is only a temporary state, you will keep your chin up and transmit that feeling of security and happiness to your partner too.

9. Visit often

Try to make the time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits you to. A relationship cannot thrive if the only thing you have is the phone call. Sure it can work I'm sure but of course if either of you have the money to, it always helps build the relationship and strengthen it if you can still see each other physically even if it is only once every few months. You need to see each other up close and personal every chance you get.

10. LASTLY

Lastly, I want you to listen to the song "Near or Far" by Carrisa Rae and just feel inspired okay? Haha. I believe it will help! hehe.

..........................

So those are some of the tips I have for you! I guess there's really no point feeling insecure and doubting it now. Why doubt something when it has not even begun? Life is about taking chances and risks. What's life without a little challenge? One day you'll both look back and remember how far you both have come as a couple. And if the relationship does work in the end(I'm sure it will if the both of you are willing to make it work), you'll definitely have an edge over other couples who are located geographically in the same area because in terms of communication, you guys are probably top notch. Hahaha.

There will always be people that will say that long distance relationships don't work, just remember that they are not the people who are in the relationship. Making it work and surviving the long distance cannot and should not be determined by them.

All the best babe! :) I hope this will help you in one way or another!


Lots of love,
Aunty Sofia

What do you think is essential in a long distance relationship? I keep doubting things and feeling insecure, but you know us girls right :( I don't know how to feel anymore

- Sad girl

Dear Sad girl,

To be very honest, I personally feel that a long-distance relationship is not that different from a relationship where both of you are in Singapore. Regardless, both relationships still require a great deal of work, excellent communication, patience, sacrifice and understanding in order for it to work.
The only difference is that the both of you will just have to work extra hard to maintain the communication and to stay focused enough to not let your daily life interfere with your desire to be with the other person.

One of the hardest parts of a long distance relationship is connecting when one person gets busier than the other. If this happens in a relationship, it is important to maintain communication. Let's just say for example, there comes a day where you're a little busier than usual, ensure that you inform your partner beforehand so that there is no misunderstanding.

If you're really willing to work it out, then here are some steps that will probably help you both!

1. Consider using Skype video chat calls every day, text messaging, phone calls and email every day.

Communication is really all that you both have since you can't physically be there for each other. But this does not mean that you still can't emotionally be there for each other. Update each other everyday through phone calls or text messages. By doing so, you remind your partner everyday that no matter where you both may be, you guys are still on each other's minds. This will definitely strengthen the relationship.

Also, although you both can't physically be there for each other, it's always nice to send a picture over whatsapp(for example), of where you are right now so you can sort of visualize in your head what your partner is doing. For example, you're shopping with friends, 'Take a picture of you and your friends'. By making the effort to let your partner know visually what you are doing, there will be more trust and less misunderstandings between each other.

2. Do things together.

You probably must be thinking. "What the hell, if I could I would! But how can we when we're not physically there for each other?".
Well... that's where you're wrong. This is the part where the beauty of the internet, handphones and such come in!
Sometimes phone calls can get a little dreary and monotonous and there will definitely be days when you just want to do something more exciting rather than just talking! Well, here's a website with a list of 100 activities th can do with your long distance partner! :)

URL: http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/thingsforldrcouplestodo.html

3. Communicate in some way every day, more than once if possible.

Since you won't be seeing each other, it's important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don't always have to be long, in-depth conversations on the phone. It can just be about mainly everything and anything. Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies throughout the day. Ask on for advice. Write love letters. Send small gifts, cards, or send flowers for no reason. In this case, since you are in a long distance relationship, sometimes doing these more often will show your partner that you still care, cherish and love them.

4. Take advantage of the benefits that a long distance relationship can offer

Sure it'll be hard in the beginning. But think about it this way. Life is more than just relationships. While you're still young, use this time to bond with your friends, your family etc.
You'll probably value each other more as well because absence makes the heart grow fonder. You'll also probably argue less.

Most importantly, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality; something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together.
At the end of the day, your life is still YOUR life to lead. You have to be smart enough to juggle between a relationship and your personal life(friends, family, hobbies etc). A relationship is not everything! Please remember that! :)

5. Avoid the temptation to be controlling

People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match—or someone else is a better match—your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart or just a few minutes away from each other. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.

6. Talk about your future together

I know this may seem like a very serious topic to talk about but sometimes it's good to discuss such topic because talking about your future together will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain. Afterall, I always firmly believe that every relationship should be taken seriously. If you don't see your partner or potential partner as someone whom you can possibly spend the rest of your life with one day, then there's no point getting together anyway because you're just wasting each other's time.

7. Avoid jealousy and be trusting.

One of the easiest ways to destroy a perfectly healthy relationship is to poison it with jealousy and drama. It doesn't make a difference whether or not you both are in Singapore. As long as there's no trust, the relationship is bound to end one day.

When you start a long distance relationship, you must be realistic of the difficulties ahead. Don't fall in the trap of interrogating your partner every time he decides to go out with people you haven't met or if he didn't get back to you right away when you called and left a message. Just because you are in a long-distance relationship doesn't mean your lives will pause. Your partner will naturally have a social life where he lives and so should you. Sure, it helps to have your eyes open and not be totally naive, but being overly suspicious is unhealthy for you and your relationship too. You should both maintain your social activity and be happy with yourselves.
It always helps to just think of your partner as someone who is trustworthy and innocent unless he is proven otherwise. Hahah. if that happens then maybe you can write in to me again. Haha. ok joking.

8. BE POSITIVE

As long as you have a positive mindset that this will work. It will! Stop thinking negatively and telling yourself that it is hard or that it's impossible because believe me, I have seen and read of many stories of long distance relationships that have worked! As long as you keep reminding each other that this long distance is only a temporary state, you will keep your chin up and transmit that feeling of security and happiness to your partner too.

9. Visit often

Try to make the time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits you to. A relationship cannot thrive if the only thing you have is the phone call. Sure it can work I'm sure but of course if either of you have the money to, it always helps build the relationship and strengthen it if you can still see each other physically even if it is only once every few months. You need to see each other up close and personal every chance you get.

10. LASTLY

Lastly, I want you to listen to the song "Near or Far" by Carrisa Rae and just feel inspired okay? Haha. I believe it will help! hehe.

..........................

So those are some of the tips I have for you! I guess there's really no point feeling insecure and doubting it now. Why doubt something when it has not even begun? Life is about taking chances and risks. What's life without a little challenge? One day you'll both look back and remember how far you both have come as a couple. And if the relationship does work in the end(I'm sure it will if the both of you are willing to make it work), you'll definitely have an edge over other couples who are located geographically in the same area because in terms of communication, you guys are probably top notch. Hahaha.

There will always be people that will say that long distance relationships don't work, just remember that they are not the people who are in the relationship. Making it work and surviving the long distance cannot and should not be determined by them.

All the best babe! :) I hope this will help you in one way or another!


Lots of love,
Aunty Sofia